Electronic Leash

The electronic leash needs to be cut. Usually, humans walk dogs but in this case, humans are leashed to their cell phones making them unable to engage in social situations. These dogs of society are not trained. Without their leash, they get anxious, irritable, and bored.


“If you’re looking for a harbinger of the zombie apocalypse, look no further than all those people on the street pecking at their tiny, handheld windows into a private world, “ said Nicole Saidi, writer and journalist  for CNN. Many children, and even adults, cannot hold conversations with other people without looking at their phones. “A study recently released by Deloitte found that Americans collectively check their smartphones upwards of 8 billion times per day,” reports the TIMES.


New solutions have been created in order to end this texting pandemic.  For example, thick gloves that prevent you from pressing individual cell phone keys will be mandatory attire. Polarized glasses that prevent you from reading cell phone screens will have to be issued and worn by people who have an even worse addiction than the rest of the society.


Recent studies have shown that texting has a bigger impact on the world than global warming. Global warming may be melting away ice, but texting is melting the brains of innocent children. Please, save the children. Burn their phones and their laptops as soon as you get the chance.


As long as texting continues, we should forget teaching our children how to read and write. The texting lingo is the new fad and is even being used on the SATS.  


It is possible for people to go a day without their phones, but you might be accused of having some sort of illness. One woman said she was having a great day without her electronic leash and thought it was nice to have one adventure- filled day without the distractions that come from modern electronic toys. Nobody else seemed to agree, and she was soon treated as an outcast from the group, like the only sober person at a crack house and checked into a mental facility.


No one really uses kites anymore, it’s much easier to just stick your selfie stick in the air and see what kind of selfie you can take. Children don’t play board games, they play games on their phone. This is ok because their parents aren’t paying attention to them, most likely because they, too, are on their phones. Forget about about school, sleep, and your job. Why waste your time on those things when you can be beating your high score on Doodle Jump ?


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.