95 of the Best Parks and Recreation Quotes

On April 9, 2009, NBC introduced viewers to the hardworking and dedicated civil servant of Pawnee, Indiana: Leslie Knope in Parks and Recreation. The tv series continued for seven seasons, where viewers follow Ms. Knope’s—as well as her fellow Parks Department staff—journey through local, state, and federal government while also battling obstacles presented in their hometown. Pawnee, Indiana is not like any other city in the United States; This town is known for its extremely high rates of obesity, as well as its rich Native American background. Similar to that of NBC’s The Office, Parks and Rec’s main setting is the Parks and Recreation Office of Pawnee’s City Hall, where we are introduced to and the rest of the office staff: Ron Swanson, the anti-government Department Director whose interests include breakfast food, woodworking, and cutting down government waste and budgets, April Ludgate, initially an unmotivated and dark-humored, college intern who grows to enjoy her work in government, Tom Haverford, a young entrepreneur who is always updated on the latest trends and styles and is definitely not afraid to “treat himself”, and many others. The story starts with the main focus on Leslie Knope as she kicks starts a program to create a new local park after she was aggressively contacted by Ann Perkins, a local citizen, during a Pawnee Public Forum (one of many throughout the show’s seven seasons). Perkins’ boyfriend, Andy Dwyer, had fallen in a giant pit behind Ann’s house and broke both of his legs. Due to their relationship and Ann’s occupation as a nurse, she was Andy’s primary caretaker, which was a very strenuous task. She requested that the pit be filled to avoid any future injuries. Throughout the journey to fill Municipal Lot 48, the watcher is introduced to all other members of the Pawnee Parks and Recreation Department. As the story develops, the watcher can learn more about each of these civil servants, and you learn to love every single one. 

As a senior in high school looking to study political science in college, Parks and Recreation has effectively shown the ups and downs within local government in 22-minute episodes. Despite the different challenges presented, I enjoy the satirical spin put on it, as working in an office is often seen as a harrowing task that no one looks forward to as they grow up. Additionally, the humor is made so that it may take a second to understand but continues to make viewers laugh. In my extremely unpopular opinion, I find that Parks and Recreation was able to combine comedy and a plot revolving around one aspect of a person’s life in comparison to shows like The Office and Community. Not only this, but Leslie Knope can serve as a positive role model to any young watcher, and oftentimes shows like this lack a character that viewers wish to emulate. 

After hearing the news that Parks and Recreation would be removed from Netflix, I was devastated and felt it was my duty to rewatch all seven seasons in approximately 1.5 weeks. Through my time watching, I was reminded of how lovable each character is, and how many witty jokes there were in each episode. The extremely quotable jokes made in each episode inspired me to create my very Parks and Rec quote list, and what better way to show how great this show is than to provide you with 95 of the best quotes from the show:

  1. “I’m like an elephant ok, if I walk into a room it’s like, ok, he’s in there” – Tom Haverford
  2. “I am a goddess, a glorious female warrior, queen of all that I survey. Enemies of fairness and equality hear my womanly roar yeahhhhhhh!” – The Pawnee Goddesses 
  3. “I’ve never bought a salad at Sue’s Salads because I don’t hate myself, Tanya…I’m sorry, I know I should be chasing your vote, but I stand behind my decision to avoid salad and other disgusting things, and I think I have a lot of support in the community for that”- Leslie Knope
  4. “Passion is what makes for good treaties, good relationships, good pizza, good friends, good everything …including wars…Long Live Denmark!”- Leslie Knope 
  5. “Now, I think that Comic Sans always screams fun, right?” – Jerry Gergich
  6. “Calc-u-later”- Ben Wyatt 
  7. “Some things are very helpful, other things not so helpful…all the things make me feel a lot of feelings about myself” – Leslie Knope
  8. “Never half-ass two things, whole ass one thing” – Ron Swanson
  9. “Mmm you can really taste the ignorance” -Tom Haverford
  10. “Today I say goodbye to the only life I’ve ever known”-Bert Macklin FBI
  11. “I have never taken the high road, but I tell other people to ‘cause then there’s more room for me on the low road.” – Tom Haverford
  12. “Your house isn’t haunted, you’re just lonely” – Ron Swanson
  13. “There’s only one thing I hate more than lying: skim milk, which is water that’s lying about being milk – Ron Swanson
  14. “I regret nothing the end” – Ron Swanson
  15. “This is a napkin where a wrote down a cool name for a dog: bark Obama”- Animal Control Employee
  16. “I have heard so much talking from you. I don’t want to hear your fat mouth say anything else boooo!” – Dennis Feinstein
  17. “I was spreading swag around like a killer swag virus” – Tom Haverford
  18. “Oh I have a medical condition alright, It’s called caring too much, and it’s incurable. Also, I have eczema” – Craig Middlebrooks
  19. “One person’s annoying is another person’s inspiring and heroic, so who are we to judge?”- Leslie Knope
  20. “Ronnn, can u put more tiny marshmallows in my hot choccy?” – Tom Haverford 
  21. “I have to go to the whiz palace [bathroom]”- Leslie Knope
  22. “No one cared about Calvin Broadus until he started calling himself Snoop Doggy Dogg, then when people got tired of that, he went by Snoop Dogg, and now, he’s Snoop Lion. What’s he gonna be in ten years — Snoop Laser Snake?” – Tom Haverford
  23. “That was so spot on it’s scary. I need to go lie down for 45 minutes, no, an hour— a full hour” – Craig Middlebrooks
  24. “Did you do something to your hair, ‘cause sister you look good enough to eat nom nom nom nom nom” – Leslie Knope
  25. “Well miss, I think we’d all appreciate it if you just swallowed a teaspoon of hush” – Tom Haverford 
  26. “The question I always ask myself is what kind of mogul should I be? A fashion mogul? Energy drink mogul? I even thought about downhill skiing—a mogul mogul, but real estate mogul mm, that’s a hot mogul right now”- Tom Haverford
  27. “Well tell everybody in Michigan I said hi, and tell your mom that I love the banana cake she posted on Pinterest” – Leslie Knope
  28. “I think all of our heads could be a bit dinky at times” – Chris Traeger
  29. “Maybe I can mediate like Doctor Phil, only qualified” – Chris Traeger 
  30. “I believe luck is a concept invented by the weak to explain their failures”- Ron Swanson
  31. “Basically, if you’re older than me: you’re a grandpa, and if you are a grandpa: you’re dead” – Tom Haverford
  32. “Time is money, money is power, power is pizza, pizza is knowledge” – April Ludgate
  33. “I just read Brooke Shield’s book on postpartum depression. Now I have pre postpartum depression anxiety” – Ann Perkins 
  34. I quit. I’m going back to rabbinical school” – Rivers, the guitar player from Mouse Rat
  35. “These kids are tearing my house apart, and I need you to calm them with the power of song” – Craig Middlebrooks
  36. “My nephew is something of an outcast in his school and I got Erica Swarvane to come, which is a huge get. She rules the first grade, and this party will determine his social status for the next hundred years!” – Craig Middlebrooks
  37. “Everybody pees the bed, just something that we do. I for instance peed the bed til I was 32” – Andy Dwyer 
  38. “That was incredible. You are overflowing with talent, and I admire you” – Craig Middlebrooks
  39. “I say we start with the three C’s: cashmere, concert tickets, and caboodles of cash” – Tom Haverford
  40. “Holy mother of Malia…and Sasha, I love them both equally” – Leslie Knope
  41. “There has never been a sadness that can’t be cured by breakfast food” – Ron Swanson
  42. “There are no consequences to my actions anymore. No matter what I do…literally nothing bad can happen to me. I’m like a white male U.S. senator.” – Leslie Knope
  43. If I say nutmeg, will she wake up and start screaming?” – Ben Wyatt
  44. “Dear frozen yogurt, you are the celery of desserts. Be ice cream or be nothing, zero stars” – Ron Swanson
  45. “The children are our future. Whitney Houston knew it, and so do you, and so do I” – Leslie Knope
  46. “I know it’s not ideal, but it’s who I am” – Craig Middlebrooks 
  47. “If all goes well this may be one of the last times I ever have to speak to you” – Tom Haverford
  48. “I can’t handle all this fighting. It’s like Thanksgiving 2004 all over again! Don’t even ask” – Craig Middlebrooks 
  49. “Jewish Greg, whatever we’re paying you it is not enough” – Crazy Ira 
  50. “There is no quiet anymore, there is only Doc Mcstuffins” – Ron Swanson
  51. “Got so startled, I tooted” – Larry Gengurch
  52. “I thought we as a culture agreed to forget the year that everyone was into swing” – Tom Haverford
  53. “If you eclipse my flavor in any way, we’ll have a problem” – Tom Haverford
  54. “I once accidentally downloaded a lumineers song. I had to throw away my whole computer just to be safe” – Tom Haverford
  55. “People that convince other people to buy expensive stuff they don’t need…those are the real heroes” – Tom Haverford
  56. “I’m going to go home and feel totally fine. Who am I kidding? I’m going to go home, put on a Macy Gray album, and cry in the mirror!” – Craig Middlebrooks 
  57. “My brain is about to explode from stress” – Andy Dwyer
  58. “I just multiplied all our future expenses by three, and you know what happened? The numbers got a lot higher. I think I heard the computer laugh at me!” – Ben Wyatt 
  59. “Omg, there’s blood everywhere! Call a doctor, no, call a coroner! It just got insane!” – Craig Middlebrooks
  60. “From now on everyone call me Kristen, because I am wigging out right now” – Craig Middlebrooks
  61. “I’m perfectly civil. He’s the stupid garbage-head doodoo face!” – Leslie Knope 
  62. “I’m gonna work until I’m 100, and then cut back to four days a week” – Leslie Knope
  63. “I’ve never known what bangs are, and I don’t intend to learn” – Ron Swanson
  64. “I also like money, and money pays for my lifestyle. Leslie doesn’t pay for my lifestyle, money does” – Jessica Newport
  65. “Who is Tom Haverford? He’s a mentor, a lover, a hero. But who is my hero? Simple, It’s me—five years from now – Tom Haverford 
  66. “Wanna wake me up when you’re done boring us to death? – Tom Haverford
  67. “We’re boring people who will bore each other by being boring” – April Ludgate
  68. “I have the most valuable currency in America: a blind, stubborn belief that what I am doing is 100% right” – Leslie Knope
  69. “Shia Leboeuf-designed wedding dresses do not come cheap” – Donna Meagle 
  70. “When it comes to inspirational will smith quotes, how are you gonna stop at 10?” – Tom Haverford 
  71. “You can trust my opinion, because I have a lot to gain from being right, and I have severe tunnel vision about achieving my goals” – Leslie Knope
  72. “Chicago, The Big Apple” – Andy Dwyer
  73. “Damn it, Ron! Engage in the culture once in a while” – Leslie Knope
  74. “I prefer quality over flash. That’s why I refuse to write my signature in cursive” – Ron Swanson
  75. “Toddler cologne: baby… you smell good” – Tom Haverford
  76. “That is the house where Ann gave me my first ever smoky eye look” – Leslie Knope
  77. “Why does anybody in the world ever eat anything but breakfast food?” – Ron Swanson
  78. “It’s impossible. It’s not gonna work in a million years. It’s pointless. I give up.” – Leslie Knope
  79. “Wouldn’t it be tight if everyone was chill to each other” – Gryzl
  80. “I can’t think of anything more noble to go to war over than bacon and eggs” – Ron Swanson
  81. “When it comes to matters of the heart, I say… Treat Yo Self” – Donna Meagle
  82. “Once a year, Donna and I spend a day treating ourselves. What do we treat ourselves to? Clothes. Treat yo self. Fragrances. Treat yo self. Massages. Treat yo self. Mimosas. Treat yo self. Fine leather goods. Treat yo self! It’s the best day of the year. The best day of the year!” – Donna Meagle and Tom Haverford
  83. “My cousin, Winnie, once forgot to use a coaster at my grandpa’s house, and he wrote her out of his will” – Donna Meagle 
  84. “Ugh, your life is gross. My life is amazing” – Jennifer Barkley
  85. “The words that they say sound passive, but seem aggressive. I feel like there should be a term for that like nicey-meany” – Andy Dwyer
  86. “Everyone, may I have your attention, please. Now, It’s time for a surprise musical guest.  One of my all-time favorites…me” – Craig Middlebrooks 
  87. “Simple solution: I break into her college and I change her degree to accounting, easy. On my way out, look up at the blackboard, what is that? Impossible math equation? I solve it, X=y obviously. Professor comes up to me and says I’ve been working on that for 50 years, why don’t you accept this math trophy? By the time he turns around, I’m gone” – Andy Dwyer 
  88. “Ooo shop talk! One of my four favorite types of talk…along with girl, real, and TED” – Leslie Knope
  89. “Macklin, the president called six times. If we don’t we get that guitar back, the peace in Iraq will be canceled” – Donna Meagle
  90. “Healthy food is for suckers. It tastes like garbage, and if you say you like it, you’re a chump, and a liar” – Paunch Burger Commercial
  91. “If there’s credit to take I will humbly take it, and if there is blame, it’s your fault. Thank you and goodbye forever” – Mayor Walter Gunderson
  92. “Do you have any regrets? Are you kidding? Thousands.” – Craig Middlebrooks 
  93. “Will you do me one final kindness? Will you pretend to be my wife for an insurance scam, but then we fall in love for real? – Jean Ralphio Saperstein
  94. “Governor of Indiana? Someone’s been reading my kindergarten dream journal!” – Leslie Knope
  95. “I’m gonna take this energy and I’m gonna go crush Joe Biden in charades” – Leslie Knope 

Despite the comedy, emotion, and fabulous plotline, Netflix has announced that on October 1st, 2020, Parks and Recreation will be leaving Netflix for good, and soon after, it will be removed from both Hulu, and Amazon Prime Video. Despite this devastating news, there is still hope! This beloved sitcom will now be available on PeacockTV, NBC’s newest streaming service!

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