Childhood Epidemic

An adventurous and carefree childhood has been a disease that has taken many. This disease has spread violently throughout the world and has started a major epidemic. But no need to worry, parents have found several treatments. Symptoms of this disease include: playing outdoors, eating candy and other junk food, pretending, coloring, laughing, and even looking joyful.
The biggest treatment for this kind of behavior is technology. Buy a child a phone or a tablet and watch the life drain out of their eyes. This has been found to almost guarantee immunity from an adventurous childhood. Why go outside when children can view the world safely through virtual reality?
Putting children on a no sugar, non carb, gluten free, vegan diet will lower the risk of obtaining this disease. Healthy eating habits are vital to the resistance of this pathogen. Do not, however, let your child exercise. This could cause injury and make your child susceptible to being joyful and carefree.
The environment a child lives in also contributes to the risk of acquiring this disease. Studies have shown that having a child in a room with no windows or toys that has only filtered air reduces the risk of illness. Windows could allow for interaction with the outside world and toys could provide enjoyment for children. Walls should be painted a suitable shade between either white or black as bright colors might risk the stimulation of joy in a child’s brain.
If all of these strategies are taken, the risk of an adventurous and carefree childhood drop to .001%. Your child will hopefully live a boring and sheltered life, lacking social skills and emotion.